Author: Aziz Ansari

Quotes

I'm so jealous of people who have crushes on people they go to school with or work with. That's such a blessing. You actually get to see them all the time and spend time with them.

I'm so jealous of people who have crushes on people they go to school with or work with. That's such a blessing. You actually get to see them all the time and spend time with them.

- Aziz Ansari

Do It Under the Influence Yourself! That's what we're shooting for! Get drunk and make your dreams come true.

Do It Under the Influence Yourself! That's what we're shooting for! Get drunk and make your dreams come true.

- Aziz Ansari

Some comedians will tour and do these classic bits all the time. But now with YouTube and Comedy Central, people see your stuff, and they don't want to hear you do that again.

Some comedians will tour and do these classic bits all the time. But now with YouTube and Comedy Central, people see your stuff, and they don't want to hear you do that again.

- Aziz Ansari

A lot of people my age think stand up sucks.

A lot of people my age think stand up sucks.

- Aziz Ansari

For the majority of the time, I may as well have been just a really tan white kid. You know, I may as well have just been, like, a fat kid.

For the majority of the time, I may as well have been just a really tan white kid. You know, I may as well have just been, like, a fat kid.

- Aziz Ansari

I have an amazing metabolism. I'm sure that'll be gone one day. But I like to exercise, too, so I don't think I'll ever get really fat.

I have an amazing metabolism. I'm sure that'll be gone one day. But I like to exercise, too, so I don't think I'll ever get really fat.

- Aziz Ansari

I'm kind of obsessed with food. I like to eat. When I tour, it's like, well, like a food tour as much as a comedy tour.

I'm kind of obsessed with food. I like to eat. When I tour, it's like, well, like a food tour as much as a comedy tour.

- Aziz Ansari

I weirdly do consider myself an optimist about love.

I weirdly do consider myself an optimist about love.

- Aziz Ansari

Most single people I know, myself included, have a difficult time even meeting up with the people they like, be it busy schedules, texting games, or whatever.

Most single people I know, myself included, have a difficult time even meeting up with the people they like, be it busy schedules, texting games, or whatever.

- Aziz Ansari

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