Author: Billy Connolly

Quotes

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

- Billy Connolly

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.

- Billy Connolly

The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards.

The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards.

- Billy Connolly

I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be.

I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be.

- Billy Connolly

I don't believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don't want to say I don't believe in God, but I don't think I do. But I believe in people who do.

I don't believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don't want to say I don't believe in God, but I don't think I do. But I believe in people who do.

- Billy Connolly

I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.

I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.

- Billy Connolly

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

- Billy Connolly

My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.

My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.

- Billy Connolly

It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he's telling them all different things.

It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he's telling them all different things.

- Billy Connolly

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