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Author: Demetri Martin
Quotes
I think it's interesting that 'cologne' rhymes with 'alone.'
I think it's interesting that 'cologne' rhymes with 'alone.'
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Demetri Martin
Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
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Demetri Martin
The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
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Demetri Martin
The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.
The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.
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Demetri Martin
I keep a lighter in my back pocket all the time. I'm not a smoker, I just really like certain songs.
I keep a lighter in my back pocket all the time. I'm not a smoker, I just really like certain songs.
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Demetri Martin
I like to use 'I Can't Believe it's Not Butter' on my toast in the morning, because sometimes when I eat breakfast, I like to be incredulous. How was breakfast? Unbelievable.
I like to use 'I Can't Believe it's Not Butter' on my toast in the morning, because sometimes when I eat breakfast, I like to be incredulous. How was breakfast? Unbelievable.
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Demetri Martin
Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away.
Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away.
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Demetri Martin
I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.
I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.
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Demetri Martin
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