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Author: Emo Philips
Quotes
Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day.
Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day.
-
Emo Philips
I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down. They don't know I'm firing blanks.
I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down. They don't know I'm firing blanks.
-
Emo Philips
I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.
I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.
-
Emo Philips
You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
-
Emo Philips
He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites.
He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites.
-
Emo Philips
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
-
Emo Philips
When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas.
When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas.
-
Emo Philips
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
-
Emo Philips
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