Author: Erma Bombeck

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I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

- Erma Bombeck

I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18 years.'

I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18 years.'

- Erma Bombeck

I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.

I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.

- Erma Bombeck

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

- Erma Bombeck

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.

- Erma Bombeck

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

- Erma Bombeck

Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.

Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.

- Erma Bombeck

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

- Erma Bombeck

Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.

Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.

- Erma Bombeck

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