Author: Erma Bombeck

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A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.

- Erma Bombeck

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

- Erma Bombeck

Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.

Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.

- Erma Bombeck

I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18 years.'

I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18 years.'

- Erma Bombeck

Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.

Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.

- Erma Bombeck

Never have more children than you have car windows.

Never have more children than you have car windows.

- Erma Bombeck

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

- Erma Bombeck

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

- Erma Bombeck

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

- Erma Bombeck

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