Author: Erma Bombeck

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Never have more children than you have car windows.

Never have more children than you have car windows.

- Erma Bombeck

Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.

Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.

- Erma Bombeck

I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.

I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.

- Erma Bombeck

Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go.

Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go.

- Erma Bombeck

Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.

Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.

- Erma Bombeck

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

- Erma Bombeck

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

- Erma Bombeck

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

- Erma Bombeck

Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.

Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.

- Erma Bombeck

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