Author: Erma Bombeck

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Never have more children than you have car windows.

Never have more children than you have car windows.

- Erma Bombeck

Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go.

Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go.

- Erma Bombeck

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

- Erma Bombeck

Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.

Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.

- Erma Bombeck

I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18 years.'

I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18 years.'

- Erma Bombeck

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

- Erma Bombeck

Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.

Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.

- Erma Bombeck

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.

- Erma Bombeck

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

- Erma Bombeck

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