Author: Erma Bombeck

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Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial.

Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial.

- Erma Bombeck

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

- Erma Bombeck

I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18 years.'

I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18 years.'

- Erma Bombeck

Never have more children than you have car windows.

Never have more children than you have car windows.

- Erma Bombeck

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

- Erma Bombeck

Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.

Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.

- Erma Bombeck

I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.

I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.

- Erma Bombeck

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

- Erma Bombeck

Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go.

Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go.

- Erma Bombeck

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