Author: Fred Allen

Quotes

A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

- Fred Allen

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.

- Fred Allen

An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.

An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.

- Fred Allen

The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand.

The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand.

- Fred Allen

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

- Fred Allen

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

- Fred Allen

Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.

Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.

- Fred Allen

Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.

Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.

- Fred Allen

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

- Fred Allen

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