Author: Fred Allen

Quotes

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.

- Fred Allen

An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.

An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.

- Fred Allen

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

- Fred Allen

Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.

Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.

- Fred Allen

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

- Fred Allen

Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.

Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.

- Fred Allen

I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement.

I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement.

- Fred Allen

Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.

Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.

- Fred Allen

A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.

A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.

- Fred Allen

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