Author: George Burns

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The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

- George Burns

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

- George Burns

I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.

I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.

- George Burns

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.

- George Burns

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.

- George Burns

At my age flowers scare me.

At my age flowers scare me.

- George Burns

I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.

I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.

- George Burns

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.

- George Burns

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

- George Burns

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