Author: George Burns

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Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

- George Burns

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.

- George Burns

I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.

I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.

- George Burns

Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up.

Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up.

- George Burns

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

- George Burns

I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.

I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.

- George Burns

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

- George Burns

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

- George Burns

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.

- George Burns

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