Author: George Burns

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If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.

- George Burns

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

- George Burns

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.

- George Burns

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

- George Burns

I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.

I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.

- George Burns

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

- George Burns

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.

- George Burns

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

- George Burns

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.

- George Burns

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