Author: George Burns

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Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.

- George Burns

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

- George Burns

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.

- George Burns

At my age flowers scare me.

At my age flowers scare me.

- George Burns

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.

- George Burns

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

- George Burns

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.

- George Burns

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

- George Burns

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

- George Burns

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