Author: Jerry Seinfeld

Quotes

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'

- Jerry Seinfeld

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

- Jerry Seinfeld

Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.

Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.

- Jerry Seinfeld

Funny is the world I live in. You're funny, I'm interested. You're not funny, I'm not interested.

Funny is the world I live in. You're funny, I'm interested. You're not funny, I'm not interested.

- Jerry Seinfeld

The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing.

The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing.

- Jerry Seinfeld

To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving.

To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving.

- Jerry Seinfeld

Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.

Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.

- Jerry Seinfeld

We want to do a lot of stuff; we're not in great shape. We didn't get a good night's sleep. We're a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.

We want to do a lot of stuff; we're not in great shape. We didn't get a good night's sleep. We're a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.

- Jerry Seinfeld

That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.

That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.

- Jerry Seinfeld

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