Author: Jerry Seinfeld

Quotes

Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.

Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.

- Jerry Seinfeld

Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.

Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.

- Jerry Seinfeld

That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.

That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.

- Jerry Seinfeld

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

- Jerry Seinfeld

To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving.

To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving.

- Jerry Seinfeld

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'

- Jerry Seinfeld

The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing.

The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing.

- Jerry Seinfeld

Pay attention, don't let life go by you. Fall in love with the back of your cereal box.

Pay attention, don't let life go by you. Fall in love with the back of your cereal box.

- Jerry Seinfeld

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

- Jerry Seinfeld

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