Author: Jerry Seinfeld

Quotes

Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.

Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.

- Jerry Seinfeld

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'

- Jerry Seinfeld

Pay attention, don't let life go by you. Fall in love with the back of your cereal box.

Pay attention, don't let life go by you. Fall in love with the back of your cereal box.

- Jerry Seinfeld

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

- Jerry Seinfeld

To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving.

To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving.

- Jerry Seinfeld

Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.

Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.

- Jerry Seinfeld

Well, all comedy starts with anger. You get angry, and its never for a good reason, right? You know its not a good reason. And then you try and work it from there.

Well, all comedy starts with anger. You get angry, and its never for a good reason, right? You know its not a good reason. And then you try and work it from there.

- Jerry Seinfeld

Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.

Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.

- Jerry Seinfeld

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

- Jerry Seinfeld

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