Author: Jerry Seinfeld

Quotes

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'

- Jerry Seinfeld

We want to do a lot of stuff; we're not in great shape. We didn't get a good night's sleep. We're a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.

We want to do a lot of stuff; we're not in great shape. We didn't get a good night's sleep. We're a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.

- Jerry Seinfeld

Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.

Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.

- Jerry Seinfeld

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

- Jerry Seinfeld

Well, all comedy starts with anger. You get angry, and its never for a good reason, right? You know its not a good reason. And then you try and work it from there.

Well, all comedy starts with anger. You get angry, and its never for a good reason, right? You know its not a good reason. And then you try and work it from there.

- Jerry Seinfeld

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

- Jerry Seinfeld

The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing.

The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing.

- Jerry Seinfeld

Funny is the world I live in. You're funny, I'm interested. You're not funny, I'm not interested.

Funny is the world I live in. You're funny, I'm interested. You're not funny, I'm not interested.

- Jerry Seinfeld

Pay attention, don't let life go by you. Fall in love with the back of your cereal box.

Pay attention, don't let life go by you. Fall in love with the back of your cereal box.

- Jerry Seinfeld

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