Author: Michelle Wolf

Quotes

I don't want to be in a relationship for the same reason I don't want a kid: I don't want anything in my life to be more important than me.

I don't want to be in a relationship for the same reason I don't want a kid: I don't want anything in my life to be more important than me.

- Michelle Wolf

Watching Rachel Maddow is like going to Target. You went in for milk, but you left with shampoo, candles, and the entire history of the Byzantine Empire. 'I didn't need this.'

Watching Rachel Maddow is like going to Target. You went in for milk, but you left with shampoo, candles, and the entire history of the Byzantine Empire. 'I didn't need this.'

- Michelle Wolf

When I'm on the road, I eat like I'm on the third day of a hiking trip all the time. I'm eating beef jerky and trail mix constantly.

When I'm on the road, I eat like I'm on the third day of a hiking trip all the time. I'm eating beef jerky and trail mix constantly.

- Michelle Wolf

People can be successful for a short period of time, but only a handful of people are successful for decades.

People can be successful for a short period of time, but only a handful of people are successful for decades.

- Michelle Wolf

I always almost miss my flight. My routine is to constantly, no matter how bad or good the traffic is, to almost miss my flight.

I always almost miss my flight. My routine is to constantly, no matter how bad or good the traffic is, to almost miss my flight.

- Michelle Wolf

I think Trump is terrible for comedy. A lot of people say he is great. He's not. You can't joke a joke.

I think Trump is terrible for comedy. A lot of people say he is great. He's not. You can't joke a joke.

- Michelle Wolf

I would love to be a dad. There are plenty of comedians who have kids. But they're dads. Being a dad is so different from being a mom.

I would love to be a dad. There are plenty of comedians who have kids. But they're dads. Being a dad is so different from being a mom.

- Michelle Wolf

A good joke can work in New York and Kentucky.

A good joke can work in New York and Kentucky.

- Michelle Wolf

I was a kinesiology major in college, which is exercise science. Then, I was either going to get my Ph.D. or go to medical school, but I was kind of burned out after school.

I was a kinesiology major in college, which is exercise science. Then, I was either going to get my Ph.D. or go to medical school, but I was kind of burned out after school.

- Michelle Wolf

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