Author: Michelle Wolf

Quotes

People can be successful for a short period of time, but only a handful of people are successful for decades.

People can be successful for a short period of time, but only a handful of people are successful for decades.

- Michelle Wolf

I think I'm a good joke writer. I'm also very scared that the last joke I wrote is the last joke I'll ever write.

I think I'm a good joke writer. I'm also very scared that the last joke I wrote is the last joke I'll ever write.

- Michelle Wolf

I would love to be a dad. There are plenty of comedians who have kids. But they're dads. Being a dad is so different from being a mom.

I would love to be a dad. There are plenty of comedians who have kids. But they're dads. Being a dad is so different from being a mom.

- Michelle Wolf

When I'm on the road, I eat like I'm on the third day of a hiking trip all the time. I'm eating beef jerky and trail mix constantly.

When I'm on the road, I eat like I'm on the third day of a hiking trip all the time. I'm eating beef jerky and trail mix constantly.

- Michelle Wolf

A good joke can work in New York and Kentucky.

A good joke can work in New York and Kentucky.

- Michelle Wolf

I always almost miss my flight. My routine is to constantly, no matter how bad or good the traffic is, to almost miss my flight.

I always almost miss my flight. My routine is to constantly, no matter how bad or good the traffic is, to almost miss my flight.

- Michelle Wolf

I don't want to be in a relationship for the same reason I don't want a kid: I don't want anything in my life to be more important than me.

I don't want to be in a relationship for the same reason I don't want a kid: I don't want anything in my life to be more important than me.

- Michelle Wolf

Watching Rachel Maddow is like going to Target. You went in for milk, but you left with shampoo, candles, and the entire history of the Byzantine Empire. 'I didn't need this.'

Watching Rachel Maddow is like going to Target. You went in for milk, but you left with shampoo, candles, and the entire history of the Byzantine Empire. 'I didn't need this.'

- Michelle Wolf

I was a kinesiology major in college, which is exercise science. Then, I was either going to get my Ph.D. or go to medical school, but I was kind of burned out after school.

I was a kinesiology major in college, which is exercise science. Then, I was either going to get my Ph.D. or go to medical school, but I was kind of burned out after school.

- Michelle Wolf

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