Author: Paula Poundstone

Quotes

I'm thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings.

I'm thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings.

- Paula Poundstone

The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.

The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.

- Paula Poundstone

I'm thankful that my memory is good because my vision is going.

I'm thankful that my memory is good because my vision is going.

- Paula Poundstone

I mean, I do love clever and witty, but I think that the 'Three Stooges' were geniuses. They'd have to be for their appeal to have lasted this long.

I mean, I do love clever and witty, but I think that the 'Three Stooges' were geniuses. They'd have to be for their appeal to have lasted this long.

- Paula Poundstone

I used to watch 'The Waltons' and sob because my family was nothing like that. We had a cruel sense of humor in my family.

I used to watch 'The Waltons' and sob because my family was nothing like that. We had a cruel sense of humor in my family.

- Paula Poundstone

I only do two things in my life, and that's take care of my kids and work. Fortunately, these are my favorite things to do, so it works out.

I only do two things in my life, and that's take care of my kids and work. Fortunately, these are my favorite things to do, so it works out.

- Paula Poundstone

I have a very silly sense of humor. I've never laughed harder in my entire life than seeing someone with toilet paper stuck on the bottom of their shoe.

I have a very silly sense of humor. I've never laughed harder in my entire life than seeing someone with toilet paper stuck on the bottom of their shoe.

- Paula Poundstone

How do you come back? It's one step at a time. I'm optimistic because I don't know what else to be.

How do you come back? It's one step at a time. I'm optimistic because I don't know what else to be.

- Paula Poundstone

My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'

My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'

- Paula Poundstone

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