Author: Paula Poundstone

Quotes

My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'

My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'

- Paula Poundstone

I'm thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings.

I'm thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings.

- Paula Poundstone

I mean, I do love clever and witty, but I think that the 'Three Stooges' were geniuses. They'd have to be for their appeal to have lasted this long.

I mean, I do love clever and witty, but I think that the 'Three Stooges' were geniuses. They'd have to be for their appeal to have lasted this long.

- Paula Poundstone

I used to watch 'The Waltons' and sob because my family was nothing like that. We had a cruel sense of humor in my family.

I used to watch 'The Waltons' and sob because my family was nothing like that. We had a cruel sense of humor in my family.

- Paula Poundstone

I'm thankful for Sarah Palin's vice presidential bid, which taught us that Alaska is not in a box off the coast of California.

I'm thankful for Sarah Palin's vice presidential bid, which taught us that Alaska is not in a box off the coast of California.

- Paula Poundstone

I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name.

I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name.

- Paula Poundstone

I only do two things in my life, and that's take care of my kids and work. Fortunately, these are my favorite things to do, so it works out.

I only do two things in my life, and that's take care of my kids and work. Fortunately, these are my favorite things to do, so it works out.

- Paula Poundstone

I'm thankful that my memory is good because my vision is going.

I'm thankful that my memory is good because my vision is going.

- Paula Poundstone

I have a very silly sense of humor. I've never laughed harder in my entire life than seeing someone with toilet paper stuck on the bottom of their shoe.

I have a very silly sense of humor. I've never laughed harder in my entire life than seeing someone with toilet paper stuck on the bottom of their shoe.

- Paula Poundstone

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