Author: Rodney Dangerfield

Quotes

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

- Rodney Dangerfield

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

- Rodney Dangerfield

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

- Rodney Dangerfield

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

- Rodney Dangerfield

What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.

What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.

- Rodney Dangerfield

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

- Rodney Dangerfield

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.

- Rodney Dangerfield

I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.

I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.

- Rodney Dangerfield

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

- Rodney Dangerfield

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