Author: Rodney Dangerfield

Quotes

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

- Rodney Dangerfield

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

- Rodney Dangerfield

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.

- Rodney Dangerfield

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

- Rodney Dangerfield

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

- Rodney Dangerfield

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.

- Rodney Dangerfield

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.

- Rodney Dangerfield

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

- Rodney Dangerfield

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

- Rodney Dangerfield

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