Author: Rodney Dangerfield

Quotes

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.

- Rodney Dangerfield

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.

- Rodney Dangerfield

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.

- Rodney Dangerfield

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

- Rodney Dangerfield

I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.

I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.

- Rodney Dangerfield

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

- Rodney Dangerfield

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

- Rodney Dangerfield

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

- Rodney Dangerfield

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.

- Rodney Dangerfield

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