Author: Rodney Dangerfield

Quotes

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.

- Rodney Dangerfield

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

- Rodney Dangerfield

What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.

What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.

- Rodney Dangerfield

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

- Rodney Dangerfield

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

- Rodney Dangerfield

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.

- Rodney Dangerfield

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

- Rodney Dangerfield

Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'

Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'

- Rodney Dangerfield

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.

- Rodney Dangerfield

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