Author: George Carlin

Quotes

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

- George Carlin

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

- George Carlin

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

- George Carlin

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

- George Carlin

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

- George Carlin

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?

- George Carlin

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

- George Carlin

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

- George Carlin

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.

- George Carlin

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