Author: George Carlin

Quotes

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.

- George Carlin

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

- George Carlin

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

- George Carlin

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

- George Carlin

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

- George Carlin

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

- George Carlin

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

- George Carlin

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?

- George Carlin

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

- George Carlin

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