Author: Henny Youngman

Quotes

When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.

When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.

- Henny Youngman

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

- Henny Youngman

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

- Henny Youngman

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

- Henny Youngman

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.

- Henny Youngman

A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.

A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.

- Henny Youngman

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

- Henny Youngman

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

- Henny Youngman

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

- Henny Youngman

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