Author: Henny Youngman

Quotes

When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.

When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.

- Henny Youngman

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

- Henny Youngman

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

- Henny Youngman

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.

- Henny Youngman

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

- Henny Youngman

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

- Henny Youngman

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

- Henny Youngman

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

- Henny Youngman

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

- Henny Youngman

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