Author: Johnny Carson

Quotes

If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

- Johnny Carson

My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.

My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.

- Johnny Carson

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.

- Johnny Carson

If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.

If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.

- Johnny Carson

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

- Johnny Carson

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

- Johnny Carson

The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.

The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.

- Johnny Carson

For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.

For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.

- Johnny Carson

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.

- Johnny Carson

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