Author: Les Dawson

Quotes

The way prices are rising, the good old days are last week.

The way prices are rising, the good old days are last week.

- Les Dawson

My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.

My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.

- Les Dawson

Marriage is an institution and that's where a couple finish up.

Marriage is an institution and that's where a couple finish up.

- Les Dawson

With wives, men hide behind the air of bravado, which is basically a defence mechanism, I think. Clever creatures, women. Very clever.

With wives, men hide behind the air of bravado, which is basically a defence mechanism, I think. Clever creatures, women. Very clever.

- Les Dawson

My mother-in-law said, 'One day I will dance on your grave.' I said 'I hope you do; I will be buried at sea.'

My mother-in-law said, 'One day I will dance on your grave.' I said 'I hope you do; I will be buried at sea.'

- Les Dawson

I need to give affection and love, because without that, I wither. I need to give that love to someone. Without that, I'm rudderless.

I need to give affection and love, because without that, I wither. I need to give that love to someone. Without that, I'm rudderless.

- Les Dawson

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

- Les Dawson

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'

- Les Dawson

The mother-in-law came round last week. It was absolutely pouring down. So I opened the door and I saw her there and I said, 'Mother, don't just stand there in the rain. Go home.'

The mother-in-law came round last week. It was absolutely pouring down. So I opened the door and I saw her there and I said, 'Mother, don't just stand there in the rain. Go home.'

- Les Dawson

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