Author: Les Dawson

Quotes

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

- Les Dawson

I'd like to thank the BBC for allowing me to work here. And I'd like to thank the wife and kids for making it necessary.

I'd like to thank the BBC for allowing me to work here. And I'd like to thank the wife and kids for making it necessary.

- Les Dawson

The mother-in-law had an accident at work. A hot rivet dropped down her drawers and she fell off the oil rig.

The mother-in-law had an accident at work. A hot rivet dropped down her drawers and she fell off the oil rig.

- Les Dawson

I need to give affection and love, because without that, I wither. I need to give that love to someone. Without that, I'm rudderless.

I need to give affection and love, because without that, I wither. I need to give that love to someone. Without that, I'm rudderless.

- Les Dawson

How can you analyse what is funny? What's funny to one isn't funny to another... What's funny to you is a personal thing.

How can you analyse what is funny? What's funny to one isn't funny to another... What's funny to you is a personal thing.

- Les Dawson

I've got a friend who is a lion tamer. He used to be a school teacher till he lost his nerve.

I've got a friend who is a lion tamer. He used to be a school teacher till he lost his nerve.

- Les Dawson

My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we're having a change. We're going to let her in.

My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we're having a change. We're going to let her in.

- Les Dawson

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'

- Les Dawson

My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.

My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.

- Les Dawson

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