Author: Lisa Lampanelli

Quotes

This thing happened where I noticed anytime I got together with four friends or more, the conversation goes to food.

This thing happened where I noticed anytime I got together with four friends or more, the conversation goes to food.

- Lisa Lampanelli

That's the whole thing: You only roast the ones you love. That's why I never make fun of the French.

That's the whole thing: You only roast the ones you love. That's why I never make fun of the French.

- Lisa Lampanelli

If they hate you, they hate you, but I've always been polarizing, and I love that.

If they hate you, they hate you, but I've always been polarizing, and I love that.

- Lisa Lampanelli

I wasn't ready to be a dog's mother! Trust me, I'm completely unfit and irresponsible. I'm a comic that travels 48 weeks a year, but I make it work, so you can, too.

I wasn't ready to be a dog's mother! Trust me, I'm completely unfit and irresponsible. I'm a comic that travels 48 weeks a year, but I make it work, so you can, too.

- Lisa Lampanelli

The dog lasted. The marriage didn't. So it shows which relationship was meant to be.

The dog lasted. The marriage didn't. So it shows which relationship was meant to be.

- Lisa Lampanelli

I've never wanted to be a person where somebody would be like, 'I like her; she's okay.' Love or hate is fine, because it sells tickets.

I've never wanted to be a person where somebody would be like, 'I like her; she's okay.' Love or hate is fine, because it sells tickets.

- Lisa Lampanelli

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