Author: Mitch Hedberg

Quotes

Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.

Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.

- Mitch Hedberg

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

- Mitch Hedberg

Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?

Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?

- Mitch Hedberg

Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'

Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'

- Mitch Hedberg

I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

- Mitch Hedberg

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

- Mitch Hedberg

I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all.

I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all.

- Mitch Hedberg

I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down.

I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down.

- Mitch Hedberg

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

- Mitch Hedberg

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