Author: Rita Rudner

Quotes

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.

- Rita Rudner

My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.

My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.

- Rita Rudner

A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won't get a bikini wax.

A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won't get a bikini wax.

- Rita Rudner

It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

- Rita Rudner

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

- Rita Rudner

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

- Rita Rudner

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

- Rita Rudner

Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

- Rita Rudner

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.

- Rita Rudner

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