Author: Rita Rudner

Quotes

Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

- Rita Rudner

A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won't get a bikini wax.

A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won't get a bikini wax.

- Rita Rudner

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.

- Rita Rudner

My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.

My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.

- Rita Rudner

To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'

To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'

- Rita Rudner

Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.

Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.

- Rita Rudner

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

- Rita Rudner

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

- Rita Rudner

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

- Rita Rudner

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