Author: Elayne Boosler

Quotes

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

- Elayne Boosler

Wouldn't it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers?

Wouldn't it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers?

- Elayne Boosler

I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.

I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.

- Elayne Boosler

Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?

Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?

- Elayne Boosler

I have always put my own money into Tails of Joy. For years, every time a dog walked by, my husband would say, 'There goes our beach house.'

I have always put my own money into Tails of Joy. For years, every time a dog walked by, my husband would say, 'There goes our beach house.'

- Elayne Boosler

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.

- Elayne Boosler

The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.

The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.

- Elayne Boosler

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me.

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me.

- Elayne Boosler

My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions.

My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions.

- Elayne Boosler

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