Author: Groucho Marx

Quotes

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

- Groucho Marx

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

- Groucho Marx

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

- Groucho Marx

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

- Groucho Marx

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

- Groucho Marx

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

- Groucho Marx

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.

- Groucho Marx

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

- Groucho Marx

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

- Groucho Marx

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