Author: Groucho Marx

Quotes

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

- Groucho Marx

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

- Groucho Marx

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

- Groucho Marx

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

- Groucho Marx

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

- Groucho Marx

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.

- Groucho Marx

It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.

It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.

- Groucho Marx

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

- Groucho Marx

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

- Groucho Marx

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