Author: Jackie Mason

Quotes

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something.

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something.

- Jackie Mason

I can't predict the future and I don't have respect for people who try to.

I can't predict the future and I don't have respect for people who try to.

- Jackie Mason

It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life.

It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life.

- Jackie Mason

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

- Jackie Mason

I don't believe that anybody has come to a conclusion on why something is funny. It's funny because it's ridiculous and it's ridiculous for different reasons at different times.

I don't believe that anybody has come to a conclusion on why something is funny. It's funny because it's ridiculous and it's ridiculous for different reasons at different times.

- Jackie Mason

If an Englishman gets run down by a truck he apologizes to the truck.

If an Englishman gets run down by a truck he apologizes to the truck.

- Jackie Mason

I have nothing but love in my heart and everything I say is just an instrument for laughs.

I have nothing but love in my heart and everything I say is just an instrument for laughs.

- Jackie Mason

It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.

It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.

- Jackie Mason

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