Author: Phyllis Diller

Picture Quotes

Image Gallery

Quotes

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

- Phyllis Diller

My own laugh is the real thing and I've had it all my life.

My own laugh is the real thing and I've had it all my life.

- Phyllis Diller

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

- Phyllis Diller

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

- Phyllis Diller

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

- Phyllis Diller

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

- Phyllis Diller

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

- Phyllis Diller

The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.

The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.

- Phyllis Diller

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

- Phyllis Diller

Similar Authors: