Author: Phyllis Diller

Picture Quotes

Image Gallery

Quotes

The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.

The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.

- Phyllis Diller

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

- Phyllis Diller

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

- Phyllis Diller

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

- Phyllis Diller

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

- Phyllis Diller

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

- Phyllis Diller

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

- Phyllis Diller

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.

- Phyllis Diller

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

- Phyllis Diller

Similar Authors: